In the Shadow of a Myth: Bargaining for Same-Sex Divorce

34 Pages Posted: 20 Jun 2017 Last revised: 20 Feb 2018

See all articles by Noa Ben-Asher

Noa Ben-Asher

St. John's University - School of Law

Date Written: January 1, 2017


This Article explores a relatively new phenomenon in family law: same-sex divorce. The Article's central claim is that parties to the first wave of same-sex divorces are not effectively bargaining against the backdrop of legal dissolution rules that would govern in the absence of an agreement. In other words, to use Robert Mnookin and Lewis Kornhauser's terminology, they are not "bargaining in the shadow of the law. " Instead, the Article argues, many same-sex couples today bargain in the shadow of a myth that same-sex couples are egalitarian-that there are no vulnerable parties or power differentials in same-sex divorce.

The Article shows how a myth of egalitarianism undermines current bargaining for same-sex divorce. First, the myth leads to what the Article calls "divorce exceptionalism, " that is, when a party claims that existing marriage dissolution rules do not apply in same-sex divorce because they were designed to remedy the non-egalitarian conditions of different-sex marriages. Divorce exceptionalism disables effective bargaining because without default legal rules there is nothing to guide the bargaining process. Second, the myth of egalitarianism eliminates key bargaining chips: under a presumption of formal equality neither party really has anything to "give" or "get" in the bargain for divorce. Finally, the myth, combined with the general fog of uncertainty regarding how courts will treat same-sex divorces, may lead to increased strategic behavior. The Article proposes a realistic solution, arguing that the legal actors who participate in same-sex divorce, including lawyers, mediators, courts, and the parties themselves, should reject divorce exceptionalism and apply ordinary divorce rules. It also proposes to protect vulnerable parties by extending to same-sex divorce the current trend toward joint-custody presumptions.

The myth of egalitarianism in same-sex couples, which was quite helpful in achieving marriage equality, is now haunting the first wave of same-sex divorces and harming vulnerable parties. It is time to let it go and address the reality of same-sex relationships.

Keywords: same-sex marriage, same-sex divorce, family law, Obergefell, Windsor, Dignity, equality, bargaining

Suggested Citation

Ben-Asher, Noa, In the Shadow of a Myth: Bargaining for Same-Sex Divorce (January 1, 2017). 78 Ohio St. L.J. 1345 (2017), Available at SSRN:

Noa Ben-Asher (Contact Author)

St. John's University - School of Law ( email )

8000 Utopia Parkway
Jamaica, NY 11439
United States

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